We Are a Set of ProblemsApril 24, 2010 at 9:49 AM | Posted in Relationships | 11 Comments
Tags: Carol Dweck
I remember well sitting in a restaurant in Mexico City with my Mexican colleagues and one of them, with a sad face says “The women they change; we men, we no change.”
It is a commonplace to say that husbands want women to stay the way they were when they were dating and that wives want men to begin changing once the honeymoon is over.
My favorite subject in books and movies is the battle of the sexes, particularly in the marital state. I avoid action, war and science fiction movies at all costs because of the small doses of the male/female relationship theme they deliver. When the guns come out, I hit the exits.
Now after long study I have learned something new. I am reading Mindset by Carol Dweck and in her chapter on Relationships she writes: “Relationship expert Daniel Wile says that choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems. There are no problem-free candidates.”
This is so profoundly true. We all have our demons and they will have their day – if not their heyday. So, in choosing our mates we should coolly sit down with a nice glass of wine and think through our future mate’s personality blemishes. Examining each one with the eye of a connoisseur and then looking at them as a group, we decide if this particular set of behaviors are ones that we can accept contending with for the rest of our lives.
We think, maybe yes, maybe no. We look to pour more wine and see that the bottle is empty and call for another.